Community DRAMA..

[Peggy]

ever have it on your forum? Well I've had it up to my eyeballs for the past 2 days. I have not slept 5 minutes since Saturday night. I kid you not, I haven't slept in 48 hours.
There has been so much BS thrown at me, 'he said-she said" crap, some trying to get me to doubt the work of my co-admin, a friend I've had the pleasure of knowing for years... trying to place doubt and suspicion between us. Now I have moderators doubting each other's loyalty both to me and to the site. What I want to do is sit down and cry. What I've BEEN doing is trying to minimize the damage and figure out how a rumor like THIS can continue for as long as it has!

See, there are some people who would love to see my site fail. Plain and simple. Sounds like alot of drama eh? Well, it is, but unfortunately it's true.

so........... this sleep-deprived chick still won't get any sleep til late tonight as I have to go get my 6yr old son from the busstop in a few.

[Joeychgo]

Well, I would ignore it publically, get with your co-admin and make sure you guys are on the same page, then PM the major players in this game and ask them to stop.

But I also dont know too much about the situation, so thats a bit generic advice.

[Noppid]

Make a post and tell um all, this is an adult board for adults. If you need to PM a mod or me for help with words, you have no business here and will be sent back to mommy.

If your posts are provocative and seem to be inciting a conversation that would be necessary to moderate for personal attacks or unnecessary insults, you too will be sent home to mommy.

There will be no warnings, I don't have time to treat you as children, I have my own. Act like adults or find a high school forum moderated by mommies.

Then you move the offensive posts to a hidden forum for evidence of the bullshit later, never delete. Collect the threads or posts always.

Don't moderate in public. Ignore it or remove it and deal with PM to the offenders. Never engage either party to the problem in public ever! On one side you offend by being a supporter, on the other for not supporting, you lose in public no matter what.

[Peggy]

thanks guys... no I never do any moderating in public. Then again... they haven't been doing the attacking on the threads... it's all been pm's and IM's. it's BS but costing me time, sleep and sanity.

[Joeychgo]

Dont let it. Dont let yourself get caught up in it.

[Peggy]

hey I saw you over there... you should drop by my thread and enjoy the view ;)

[Noppid]

That shop is fucking useless, it just don't work. I can't look at shit.

[sarahk]

I work with a forum (as a tech admin only) that has a "mods place" where they can discuss the editing decisions (and save copies of the original post). Some of those discussions get vigourous but the openness stops it being nasty.

They also a "trash can" where the deleted threads get moved to and then further posts for why - rather than actually deleting them.

The openness amongst the moderation team helps.

[Peggy]

That shop is fucking useless, it just don't work. I can't look at shit.

:eek: cussing on the threads!!! :p

what shop? the vPlaza?

[Peggy]

We have that Sarah, a Staff Lounge section, which has an area for the staff to talk bs and an area for threads and posts to be moved to.
We've been using the crap out of the staff lounge the past 2 days

Part of the problem is that one of my mods is close friends with a lady on the site that most of us don't trust, from past experience. Some of my staff is questioning is loyalty to me and the site, because of things that members have been pming and iming them. He's never EVER given me a reason to doubt him or mistrust him. But now with all the crap thrown at me lately... seeds of suspicion have been planted. He is very hurt, understandably. Me, I need sleep

[smacklan]

Ban 'em all and let God sort 'em out :p j/k Seriously, it's just a website...never worth losing sleep over. Whenever I get suspicious activity at my site I just IP ban with no warning (you should see how long my ban list is lol)...I don't have time for kids games or crap.

[Peggy]

I hear that alot John... It's just a website. I guess I'm different in that to me, these are real people with real feelings, real friendships. I talk to quite a few of them on the phone weekly, some daily, have met alot of them in person... I take it just as seriously as if they were my neighbors. I KNOW that I probably shouldn't... but that's just me *shrugs*

I could use that backrub now ;)

[smacklan]

well, that certainly is different if you have that level of contact. But if you have problem children, use some tough love. Remember, you can't be a doormat until you lay down ;)

[ConqSoft]

A forum isn't a forum without drama.

[Joeychgo]

A forum isn't a forum without drama.

Sometimes that is quite true.

The first forum I was ever on, I and a few others were labled the one that were bringing their forum down - and were later banned.

I have a competing forum and have more then 3 times their membership now.

Oh, and their forum pretty much died after we left. We were the interesting ones :)

[ConqSoft]

Sometimes that is quite true.

The first forum I was ever on, I and a few others were labled the one that were bringing their forum down - and were later banned.

I have a competing forum and have more then 3 times their membership now.

Oh, and their forum pretty much died after we left. We were the interesting ones :)

That's spooky. I too was banned from a competing site (though I was let back in after public uproar). But that was when I started my site, it was because I didn't like the way the other (and pretty much only) big site for a particular model of motorcycle (Honda CBR 929RR) was being ran. Neither did a lot of other people, so mine grew. My site has since added sections to cover all models of Honda motorcyles since we have core members (including myself) that have moved on to other Honda bikes, and even some other brands, so I added sections for other brands. We'll see how it goes.

And, as of a year or two ago, that other site is gone. I like to think I had a hand in its demise. :D

[Joeychgo]

And, as of a year or two ago, that other site is gone. I like to think I had a hand in its demise. :D


What funny for me, is every time they complain about something on their forums now, they bring me up. I just giggle as they fall apart. There is like 5-6 people that post regularily there now, and I have 500 users logging in every day and 500+ posts a day.

[Peggy]

Cute. I was banned from another adult site.. JustErotica.com and yet another site Literotica.org, has made it clear that they don't want me there. Well, not the staff, but the members. And now, I have quite a few Lit and JE refugees, lol.



well, that certainly is different if you have that level of contact. But if you have problem children, use some tough love. Remember, you can't be a doormat until you lay down ;)
I do have a vry close level of contact with many of my members. It is those members who are loyal to me and will and do defend me when this kind of thing happens. I'm a lucky admin :D

[sarahk]

Cute. I was banned from another adult site.. JustErotica.com and yet another site Literotica.org, has made it clear that they don't want me there. Well, not the staff, but the members. And now, I have quite a few Lit and JE refugees, lol.That's how DigitalPoint got started too - it's kinda puddling along ok, don't you think!

Stand strong, be transparent in what you do, and act fairly.

And get that backrub, gin or whatever you need.

[Joeychgo]

SOmetimes I think an offshoot forum can become more popular because the owners are more passionate abot beating the competition.

I left my competition so far in the dust so long ago, they are little more then a bad joke to me these days. But I still have my passion.

[Peggy]

SOmetimes I think an offshoot forum can become more popular because the owners are more passionate abot beating the competition.

I left my competition so far in the dust so long ago, they are little more then a bad joke to me these days. But I still have my passion.

yes you do darlin, yes you do


I didn't start my site to be in competition with the other ones. My intention was to create

1. a small adult community, not ,

2. not a competitor to the other adult forums

3. as drama-free as possible.

4. just sexy, flirty fun.

Well... 1 out of 4 ain't bad, lol. we do have alot of sexy flirty fun! And while i'm still small in comparison to most sites, we're growing on the average of 2 - 3 new members per day. Pretty good, I think. :D

[The Ottoman]

yes you do darlin, yes you do


I didn't start my site to be in competition with the other ones. My intention was to create

1. a small adult community, not ,

2. not a competitor to the other adult forums

3. as drama-free as possible.

4. just sexy, flirty fun.

Well... 1 out of 4 ain't bad, lol. we do have alot of sexy flirty fun! And while i'm still small in comparison to most sites, we're growing on the average of 2 - 3 new members per day. Pretty good, I think. :D

One of the reasons I created the Couch was to give a lot of people that I had networked with from other websites with their own drama, a place to come to with no pretense or expectation. In fact, I specifically said, "no drama from other boards". It's worked out pretty well, and really, the only issues that have arose are snipes from other websites.

If you lay a firm, but level hand down as the Administrator saying "I don't care where you bicker, just as long as it isn't here" then you can get some people to understand that they are indeed adults, and realize that they need to act like them. If things get out of hand, don't be afraid to tell members that you'll ban them.

This is afterall, your house, for lack of a better term. If you have people over at your house, and they start peeing on the carpet, wouldn't you ask them to leave?

[Peggy]

LOL... very good analogy... lol