Interesting dilemma...some input please

I have a spouse support website/forum. I have an interesting problem and maybe you all can give me some input on what you would do.
(It's just a rainbow and fluff type of forum that is email validated, so please don't join just to look.....it's pretty plain stuff. :) )

There is another forum that is more outspoken....a tell it like it is type forum. Well, it seems that some of my members are venting over at the other site about a few of the younger members.

I do not like that my members do that, and have told them so on the other site. My biggest problem with this so far has been that the attitude tends to float over to my place and I end up closing threads to stop the pot stirring.

I guess it's better that they behave that way over there instead of at my place....BUT....I'm starting to see that this may make my members hesitant to post because they will be concerned that this might happen to them. There are many that know of this site also.

At what point do you stop this, I mean it is the internet and you have choices to not view other forums. Do you just say, don't go over there and it won't bother you? Or do you start issuing warnings, but is that a little too drastic. At what point do you step in and protect the other members that do not do this, don't they deserve a place to express their feelings and not worry about discussed on another site?

Interesting situation and I thought it would be good if I heard some other points of view on this. I hope this isn't too wishy/washy for you all! LOL

I would suggest you PM or Email those people - make it private. Explain to them that it doesnt help the site by them ranting elsewhere, and that if they come to you instead, they can help you fix the problems they outline. But that if they go elsewhere and complain about it, they are only contributing tothe problems.

Make them work with you. And always do it privately. You'll get better response.

^^ what Joey said boatswife.... handling sitautions privately is always the best way. Doing anything else just inflames the situation.

I started my forum with a 'family friendly' policy (ie no bad language etc), but several of my members didn't appreciate this and voiced their opinions. This is one rule I have not conceded on and 2.5 years later my forum is known as a "family friendly" place. Morale is - stick to your guns... :)

Good luck with sorting this out though..:)

Let us know what you do and how it works.

I decided to set up a 3 tier membership, with each tier you view more of the forum.

I deleted all the members with 0 posts and members that haven't visited the board in a month. I changed the rules a little and they do not need to be posting fools, but they need to make a post or two.......just contribute to the forum or the account will be deleted.

It didn't really stop the flow of information, but we did discuss some more rules and basically stated to not post every detail of your life.

It was a little confusing, and for some, upsetting to change the membership levels. Although it does seem to have put my board back on track.

Plus, I did take the advice about being private. I did address issues that arose on the forum via pm's, instead of posting my anger on the forum. I was well received, so THAT was certainly the way to go.

Thanks a lot!!

Private is almost always the way to go.

I try to always tell a member if I delete or edit their post -

Be nice and show them respect. You'll be rewarded