Customer comments on this selection.
 Really basic and super male-centric
I felt that this book was very simplistic in its explanations and its exercises. That's not to say that sometimes the simple exercises aren't the hardest, but rather I could've and really have thought of these things before. It also was completely centered on the male experience of sex addiction. All of the case stories were about men and most of the examples of behaviors/thinking were very male oriented (ex. going to strip clubs, hiring prostitutes, thinking that women want to be dominated) and completely ignored the particular way that women experience sex addiction. Resources that I've found to be more powerful and insightful: the basic text for SLAA (Sex Love Addicts Anonymous) and "Women, Sex, Addiction" by Charlotte Kasl. This last text is the only one I've ever seen that adequately deals with the female experience.
 This Book Is No Help For Sex Addicts
Any book that makes a spurious claim on its cover is off to a bad start. This one claims to be "The only scientifically supported treatment method for addicts." That claim is not supported by anything in the book. Sources and studies are generally not cited, though the authors do proudly point out that "most" people who used the book found it "helpful." Hardly scientific.
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br /The text feels as if it were written by a college freshman trying to pad a term paper. It repeats itself and wastes a lot of paper and ink with platitudes like "If others can, you can too."
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br /The authors seem to think addiction, which is a complex physiological condition, can be treated simply. Willpower, discipline and shame are emphasized. There's a great deal of blame placed on the porn industry. Recommendations are simplistic, e.g. Disconnect your computer if you use Internet porn, and don't drive down streets where prostitutes hang out.
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br /About every other page, the authors remind you that if you don't stop it you'll go to jail or get AIDS.
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br /Finally, this book seems to be directed at heterosexual males who are sexual predators to one degree or another. There's a lot of talk about molestation and forcing one's partner into rough sex acts. The authors spend at least half their energy trying to convince the reader that he is definitely a sex addict.
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br /This might be useful for sexual predators in denial. But for anybody who acknowledges they have a problem with sex addiction or sexually compulsive behavior, this book offers almost nothing.
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 Sex addiction workbook
This workbook is practical and empirically supported. Its exercises are clear and cognitively based and includes a survey to measure the degree of sex addiction. I use it in my work with patients in psychotherapy.
 HEALING STRATEGIES
Key strategy/ work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (what things?) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than you can finish leads to CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; Important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflict not resolved. PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST TO STOP. Childhood needed something(the addict) didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together. Normalcy. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust- focus on issues. - Give outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you Think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you! They never were! You are safe with your thoughts. They are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy= shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together= common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See Sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship.
therapist's helper
I, as a therapist who works with folks who have sexual addictions, have found this book to be a good resource to supplement the work we do together in sessions. It is well written and seems to address the issues in a gentle manner, allowing clients to work at a comfortable pace.
br /Lorraine LaBarre, LCSW
br /New London, CT
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